Books for kids, teens, & those who are young at heart

Tag: Kylene

Still Mourning Kylene 20 Years Later

This weekend marked the 20th anniversary of my sister’s death. I’ve written a lot about Kylene, her life and mourning her. On the 8th anniversary of her death, I shared a poem she wrote. A year later, in my post “A Lonely Anniversary,” I expressed having a feeling of loneliness that I could place…until finally realizing I was missing my sister. And I shared another one of her poems.

On the 11th anniversary of her death, I was once again “Thinking of Kylene” while reading through one of her journals. One of my favorite posts about her is “No Matter How You Do The Math, Death Death Just Doesn’t Add Up,” where I memorialized her life and tried to make sense of her death. And, of course, there is “The Story of How I Became A Writer.”

Mourning is a life-long process, and something that often weaves its way into the stories I write. In my upcoming middle grade novel WITCH TEST, I once again explore this concept. The main character, Liza, was only three when her mother died in a car crash. Now 13 and friendless because her ex-best friend, Abby, has turned on her, Liza finds herself thinking of her mother. New and confusing feelings surface.

An ache settles in my chest, strong enough to make me groan out loud.

I think I miss my mom. Maybe that’s what’s been causing this feeling of loneliness that has been overwhelming me all afternoon. I think somewhere deep inside of me I’ve been missing her a long time, but this whole Abby thing has finally made me realize how much I lost when I lost my mom.

I never thought of it like that because it’s weird to miss someone you can’t remember.

Witch TEst

I think about the complicated feelings of losing someone young. As time passes, you change and the person you are mourning would have changed. I’m no longer the person my sister knew, and she would no longer be the person I knew. I miss who she was, and I miss who she would have been, even without knowing who exactly that person would have been. I also miss who I would have become if Kylene had lived.

Like Liza, I wonder if “miss” is the right word. In her case, she wonders if she can miss someone she doesn’t remember. In my case, I wonder if I can miss the versions of my sister and myself that never existed. All the while knowing I miss who she was.

I’ve come to call this complicated set of feelings “long mourning.” When the sharpness of new grief has faded away, you’re left with a longer pain — an ache that never really goes away, occasionally punctuated by a sharper pain.

So I guess that’s my convoluted way of saying I still miss my sister — in all the many ways you can miss someone who died young — 20 years after her death. I’ll suppose I’ll continue exploring those feelings in the stories I write, and in my own way, celebrating and mourning my little sister, Kylene.

ELIXIR SAVED Is On The Way

I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been working on the second Elixir book, ELIXIR SAVED. Looking back over my folders of documents, inspiration pictures, and notes, I see at least one that dates back to 2010! Really, though, this is the book I had the idea for when thinking about writing a book for my sister Kylene (and ending up writing ELIXIR BOUND first). So really I’ve been “working” on this book for many, many, many years.

It’s been a labor of love (and hate). It’s been a hard book to write. I’ve taken many breaks. I still haven’t quite gotten to write “The End” for it yet, though my last round of revisions got me at least in a place where I felt like I can actually write the ending scenes. I had hoped to do that this summer, but life was too busy and my head (and my heart) wasn’t in the right place. Now I think they are.

As a reward for making it through those last revisions, I allowed myself to contact my awesome cover artist Susan Tait Porcaro. She sent me a concept sketch yesterday and it’s looking really good. It’s visual motivation to keep on pushing to get this thing done.

Plus, two of three of the boys will be in school all day starting later this week, so hopefully that will give me the time I need. If any of my novel critique partners are reading this, expect an email from me soon! It’s been so long since I’ve had anything for them to read.

So look for ELIXIR SAVED, coming Winter 2020!

Elixir Bound in the Flesh!

Yesterday, a nice surprise came in along with the snow: my paperback copies of Elixir Bound! I feel like it was so long in coming, so it was more with a sigh of relief than a whoop of excitement that I held them in my hands. Not to downplay the awesomeness of it all, but I think I had built the moment up in my head for a little too long to really be in the moment when it happened. But they are here, and they are beautiful! Check out T.B. Markison’s blog post today for a spotlight of Elixir Bound, including an excerpt.

1507807_369623719848295_357867309_n

I’m hoping to book some local events in the New Year, and I’ll keep you all updated with what’s happening on that front. If you won a signed copy of Elixir Bound, those went out in the mail this morning, so keep an eye out for them next week…maybe even before Christmas! For anyone who is interested, I have bookplates (little stickers that I can sign and personalize) I can send for you to put in your own copies of Elixir Bound. Just send me your snail mail address and personalization info using the Contact page of my website (don’t worry all personal info only goes to me).

I think the most rewarding part of having the book was to see the dedication I wrote for my sister Kylene. She was the inspiration behind the book and set me on this crazy, wonderful path of being an author. I think I’ll leave you all with that dedication:

To Kylene

In life your were a sister, friend, and confidant.

In death you are a sister, friend, confidant, and muse.

Elixir Saved Sneak Peek

First off a bit of news: I have received my print galley of Elixir Bound from the publisher and it’s up on my publisher’s website as available to order! Still no firm date on when I’ll be able to hold it in my hot little hands, but the galley and order option means we’re getting close. Yay!

So as the Elixir Bound in paperback blog tour continues (full schedule here), I’ve got a sneak peek at the companion novel (still a work-in-progress…and it’s kind of terrifying to be putting this out there at the this stage, but figured I’d be brave) Elixir Saved. In this next book, Kylene, Zelenka (both of whom you might know from Elixir Bound), and Devon (new character here!) have all been saved the by the Elixir. Now they must decide how much they are willing to sacrifice with their second chances at life.

Blog Tour Banner-page0001

As you can see from the description, Elixir Saved will feature many of the characters from Bound, but will also introduce some new characters. With three POV characters and new quests, Saved is even more epic than the first book.

I’ve mentioned before how I originally wrote Bound as a fantasy adventure after my sister Kylene passed away at the age of 16. I tried writing the story from her POV, but it was too hard at the time. I’m happy to say one of the POV characters of Saved is the character Kylene. This sneak peek is the first few pages from her POV (keep in mind this is an unedited version :)). Enjoy!

Kylene Kase waited in the wings for her big moment on stage when lightning struck. It hit a giant oak behind the outdoor stage, which split down the middle with a loud crack and caught on fire. The upper half of the tree toppled over and smashed through the backdrop, shooting sparks out toward the crowd.

The whole production—written by, directed by, and starring Kylene—flashed to a halt. A message, brought by the higher beings, filled her head. The implications of the six terrible words paralyzed her.

Kylene regained her senses and jumped off the nonstage side of the wings, tumbling to the hard ground covered in browning grass. The wood used to construct the stage served as kindling and the whole thing billowed with smoke and flames in a matter of minutes. She ran from the stage to escape the ashes, but acrid smoke curled toward her and burned her throat.

From a safe distance, she watched props of faux golden pillars melt and distort into shapes reminiscent of grotesque faces. As the stage collapsed in on itself, she sank to her hands and knees and sobbed. A strong hand pulled her to her feet. Her younger, but much taller brother, Bhar, grasped her hands. His blue eyes turned hazel as they reflected the orange flames.

He grasped her shoulders. “You okay?”

Kylene nodded; she was fine physically, if not mentally. She searched the frenzied crowd for the rest of her family, face stricken as she suddenly realized one of them might be hurt.

The list of her closet family members tumbled from her dry lips. “Ma, Pop, Katora, Lili, Ariana and the kids?”

“They’re all fine!” Bhar yelled over his shoulder as he ran to the perimeter of the disaster. “Pop says go home. I’ll see you there.”

He peered into the flames, presumably searching for anyone trapped in the ruins of the stage. A crowd of spectators, actors, and crew—some screaming—ran past. An old man fell in the chaos. Bhar lifted him up, offered him a shoulder to lean on, and escorted him to the road, disappearing into the throng.

Kylene stood, frozen in place, while her dreams of a successful production burned to the ground with the stage. The last support beam creaked and groaned, giving itself to the inferno. She fled for home, the early autumn leaves crunching underfoot in rhythm with her hiccupping sobs. Her white-blond hair flew wildly behind her and tears flowed from her bright blue eyes, obscuring her sight. Not that seeing mattered; her feet automatically knew the way down the dirt road to home.

It wasn’t the failure in front of her whole family and the entire town of Tussar that made her cry as much as the six words resonating in her head. In the Great Peninsula, higher beings—sometimes even Mother Nature herself—communicated with humans through the weather. The messages were often cryptic, hard to interpret. However, the message brought by the lightning came through clearer than the transparent bottles that held the essence—a renowned beverage in the Great Peninsula—brewed by her family.

Kylene sprinted straight through the front door of her family’s old, wooden farmhouse, up the rickety stairs, and into the room she shared with her sister Katora. She flung herself onto her bed and sucked in heaving breaths. Even with her face buried deep in her freshly laundered pillow slip, all she smelled was fire.

Before long, a warm hand caressed her back accompanied by Katora’s soothing voice. “Shhh. It’s okay. Don’t cry, Ky.”

Easy enough for Katora to say. She never cries.

She knew her whole family thought she cried too much, but surely the shocking message justified her distress. Eventually the sobs abated and Kylene’s body quieted. She sat and smiled at Katora, one of her three older sisters, the one closest in age to Kylene.

Katora’s blue-green eyes sparkled in her flushed faced. “You heard the message too. Sounds like another quest.”

Kylene rubbed her eyes and frowned. She shared neither her sister’s interpretation of the message nor her enthusiasm for quests. The last and only quest she had been on had nearly killed her. It had been Katora’s job to pick the flowers that contained the nectar for their family’s secret healing Elixir and take over as the Elixir’s guardian. Kylene, merely there to accompany her sister, received a deadly wound from a poisoned spear as a souvenir. If not for the Elixir, she likely would not have recovered.

Lately, nightmares of her loved ones, cold and blue-lipped, haunted her sleep. Would that be her fate if she went on another quest? She pushed away the thought as tears prickled the corners of her eyes.

“The message for the last quest to pick the flowers for the Elixir…” Kylene paused, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to know. “Did you hear it?”

“No.” Katora’s brow furrowed as she gazed at her. “I only saw the snow. The message was for Pop—he was still the guardian of the Elixir then.”

“Did Pop tell you what he heard?” Kylene asked.

Katora stared past Kylene to the wall, but she didn’t really appear to be looking at anything in particular. “I don’t know if he heard a specific message last time. What was it he said? Something about how the greater beings aren’t always clear on what they mean. He told me the snowstorm came as the Elixir’s supply was low, so he took that as a message we needed to retrieve more of the nectar.”

Kylene frowned. The message she heard as the lightning struck held no such ambiguity.

“But you heard a specific message this time?” she asked.

Katora smiled. “Oh, yes. It was like someone speaking right inside my head. No guessing games this time.”

The experience sounded the same as Kylene’s. Tears squeaked from her eyes again, blurring Katora’s face so much it reminded Kylene of the ugly shapes of the melting columns. Perhaps she misinterpreted the message and someone else would be made to fulfill it. She shivered. She didn’t want the message to be true for her or anyone else.

 

Thinking of Kylene

That's me on the left, reading to my little sister, Kylene, on the right.

That’s me on the left, reading to my little sister, Kylene, on the right.

Most days I’m not sad about the death of my sister Kylene. It’s been 11 years after all. And the sharp pangs of loss tend to fade over time into a duller, more generalized ache of longing. But there are triggers that bring back the sting of losing her. Inevitably, major life milestones, her birthday every year, and today—the anniversary of her death—dredge up the deep well of feelings of losing your 16-year-old sister.

In the past, I’ve shared Kylene’s poems (here and here). Yesterday I was reading through one of her journals. Her words are pretty typical of girl her age (she was 13 when she wrote these particular entries and looking forward to a trip to Georgia with her Girl Scout troop), but there ones that break my heart because they’re so full of hopes and dreams, and I know she had so many of these that never came true.

“Every activity sounds incredibly exciting.” “There are so many things to look forward to.” “Seven days ’till I have one of the best five days in my entire life.” When I read these snippets I can’t help but think of all the activities she missed out on, all the things she looked forward to and never got to experience, how short her entire life ended up being.

So I let myself have this day to be sad for Kylene and for myself, and for all the people who knew her and lost her, and all the people who didn’t get to know her. The other days I remember her with a smile, and try to be more caring like she was, and try to live my life experiencing new and wonderful things because she didn’t get to. Even though sometimes it’s hard to remember, not because the memories are faded, but because the memories are bittersweet.

© 2024 Katie L. Carroll

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑