A Lonely Anniversary

Posted by Katie L. Carroll on April 16, 2011 in Family, Guest, Kylene |

Another year has passed since I last marked the anniversary of my sister’s death. Recently I was feeling very lonely and I couldn’t quite figure out why. I have a lot of people in my life who love and care about me, but there was an emptiness inside of me that wouldn’t go away.

Then I realized I missed my little sister. I wanted to talk with her, but she wasn’t there to answer back. And, no matter how many friends or loves I have in my life, no one on this earth will ever be the sister or the friend she was to me.

Kylene was only here for 16 years, but she filled those years with so much life. She wrote the poem below, and though the sentiment is beautifully written, I don’t think it is a true reflection of who she was. She may never have graduated high school, gotten married, or had any children, but there wasn’t a wasted moment of her life here on earth.

Wasting my time
Killing my time
living this life like I should
Not like I could

I learned from a book
I learned from a teacher
but what about life
What about the Experience

I’m sitting inside
going through the motions
While life turns outside
passing me by

Tomorrow’s but today
Just like any other day
I throw my life away
It slips down the drain

~Kylene Laraine Carroll

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  • Cat says:

    Very lovely poem. I'm glad you have something this personal that can remind you of your sister, and hopefully bring her closer to your heart.

  • anna says:

    A beautiful poem. As someone who also loves her little sister very much, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

  • Katie L. Carroll (KT) says:

    Cat and Anna, thank you both for your kind words.

  • Corvus Brachyrhynchos says:

    I liked reading both poems of hers that you've posted.

    You can both be right. Based on the two poems you've posted on your blog, she may have had times when she felt she was being the good student, being who she was supposed to be, yet wanting to experience an unadulterated life and wondering when that will finally happen.

    That doesn't mean she was wasting anything. Even on a day when she may have felt frustrated or whatever, since she had you and the rest of your family loving her and appreciating her, that made every day of her life meaningful.

  • Katie L. Carroll (KT) says:

    Corvus, I totally agree that Kylene could have had moments that she felt that way and yet that in the end, she didn't really feel like she was wasting her life.

    I think we all feel that way at times.

  • Kelly Hashway says:

    It's nice that you have these poems to hold on. It's a great way to keep your sister close. This is just my opinion, but if you want to talk to your sister, why not write some poetry in response to hers? You could keep them together. Her poems seem to be a reflection of how she saw herself. If you wrote poems about how you saw her, they would compliment hers nicely and it would almost be like you were communicating with each other through your writing.

  • Cherie Colyer says:

    That is a beautiful poem. And not to echo Cat, but it's wonderful that you do have something this beautiful to remind you of her when you miss her.

  • Katie L. Carroll (KT) says:

    I love that this post is getting more traffic.

    Kelly, that's an interesting idea about talking to my sister through poems. I think I'll have to try that…tough as it may be emotionally.

    Cherie, thanks for commenting. It's just nice to know that others are still enjoying my sister's words.

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