Category: Kylene (Page 2 of 4)

Defining My Author Theme Courtesy of #LA18SCBWI and Libba Bray

August 14, 2018 / Katie L. Carroll

I purposefully didn’t title this piece with the words “author brand” because there are important distinctions between a brand and what I’m talking about here (and calling my “author theme”), and also because I don’t want to anger Libba Bray! But let me back up for a second and give you the all-important context.

I recently attended the SCBWI conference in L.A. where there were some amazing keynotes (and there were a whole lot of keynotes at this conference). The brilliant YA novelist Libba Bray gave her keynote on Saturday afternoon. As a conference attendee, I was buzzing with inspiration from the previous day and a half but not overloaded and exhausted like I was pretty much all of Sunday.

Libba discussed something that is on the mind of any writer who is tuned into the business and marketing side of publishing: author branding! I’ve been trying to come up with a snappy definition of an author brand, but it’s kind of making me woozy thinking about it, so I Googled it instead. Here are the links to the first couple of articles that pop up “How To Build Your Author Brand From Scratch (And Why You Need To)” and “7 Best Ways To Build An Authentic Author Brand.”

The bottom line is that most authors feel the pressure to have a brand, but it feels icky to figure out what that is and how to create one that is effective in selling ourselves. And selling yourself is all so counterintuitive to the creative process and to being authentic to an artistic goal rather than a monetary one. Blech!

Libba articulated this phenomenon so well when she framed it as a question vs. an answer. She said that writing is about wanting to know something. This question is what makes your story come alive. The question leads us from somewhere we know to something new. The question leads to change. On the other hand, branding is advertising, and it’s all about answers. Brands are static by nature, and it puts us in a position to view kids as consumers instead of as growing, learning young humans. (No direct quotes because I tend to not worry about getting direct quotes while taking notes during conferences. Check out the SCBWI Conference Blog for a great overview of not only Libba’s keynote but the whole conference.)

Libba ended with the thought that if anyone asks about your brand, say that it’s a commitment to craft and a deep respect for my audience. This thought–and the whole keynote really–sparked an idea of what I’m all about as an author of books for young people. I’m not calling it a brand because yuck, hence the term I use in the title of this post “author theme.” Where a brand would be about selling myself or my books, my author theme is about what I think I bring to the table as a creator, writer, teacher, and human being.

I know authors who essentially say all their writings–no matter what form, genre, or intended audience–come back to some central theme or idea. I’ve always struggled to come up with any one thing that ties all my work together, never mind one thing that ties together who I am with my work. The spark that came to me during this keynote pulled together my writing, my talks about writing and the creative process, and my philosophy on life in a way that I had never been able to do.

Now that I’ve thought of it, it seems painfully obvious that this is what I’ve been writing about and thinking about. It ties in the ubiquitousness of my sister’s death with my career. It’s the thing I’ve been inscribing in ELIXIR BOUND when I sign copies for readers. (Are you screaming at the screen yet for me to just tell you already?!) Alright, alright…here it is in all it’s simple glory:

Find Your Magic.

That’s it. It’s as simple as that. My sister’s death helped me see the thing I was supposed to be doing in this world, the magic of writing for kids and teens. It’s the thing I try to bring to kids when I talk to them at book events and school visits. I know they won’t all grow up aspiring to be writers (though I always emphasize the importance of having the skills of being an effective reader and writer), but I want them all to pursue, in some way, the thing that feels like magic to them. It’s the thing my characters are always trying to find as well, their magic. And it’s kind of been there all along, staring me in the face. I was finally able to see it and grasp on to it.

Find Your Magic.

As simple as it seems, it’s not always simple to do it, to live it. You have to first figure out what your magic is, which is no easy feat. It took me 20+ years of life and a major life event to figure it out myself. Then once you do know what your magic is, you have to figure out how to pursue it while also, ya know, feeding, clothing, housing yourself and any independents.

But when you can figure out a way to actually do it (even if it’s not the way you make your living), when you actually find your magic and live your magic. Wow, that’s some pretty amazing stuff.

Why Is It Taking Me So Long To Write The Second Elixir Book?

March 24, 2017 / Katie L. Carroll

It’s been over four years since the ebook version of ELIXIR BOUND came out and over three years since the paperback version released (so forever in terms of publishing a companion novel). I’m sad to report that I’m only about 2/3 finished with the draft of the companion novel ELIXIR SAVED. And even once the draft is done, I’ll still need to revise and such. So why exactly is it taking me so long to write the second Elixir book?

Well, it’s complicated (isn’t everything!?). For starters, there are the less-than-stellar sales stats of BOUND. I wasn’t expecting a best-seller or anything, but it’s been hard to press on with a second book when the first has low sales. So, yeah, I’ve worked on other projects in between. And, no, I don’t write for the sales or the money, but the validation of selling books doesn’t suck.

There’s also life. I have kids and do freelance work (and blog). I like reading books and watching TV and getting out every once in awhile to do grown-up things. Writing novels is an important part of my life and I’ve gotten more consistent with actually, ya know, writing, but it doesn’t always take top priority.

Then there’s the fact that I’m not a very fast writer. Even when I’m in a good flow and I’ve been writing consistently, my word counts are just not that high. I’ve done a lot of things with the drafting of SAVED to try and speed up the process. I mapped out all the scenes I still need to write. I’ve set timers in order to write without editing myself for that set amount of time. I did a modified NaNoWriMo in November to try and finish this draft.

And now I’m here on the blog writing about how I’m not writing the book. Blah, blah, blah, wah, wah, wah! I know…but all those reasons I mentioned above are not the main reason why it’s taking me so long to write ELIXIR SAVED.

The real reason why it’s taking me so long to write the second Elixir book is because one of the main characters is based on my sister Kylene, who passed away at the age of 16. My intention when I wrote BOUND was to give Kylene a fantasy adventure of her own. I started the book in her POV (point of view), but it was too damn hard to write, so it ended up in the POV of her sister. It’s been almost 15 years since she passed away and it’s still hard to write this story, her story. It feels so presumptuous and impossible to do her justice in what are ultimately my words. It’s emotionally draining and terrifying.

But it’s a story I know I have to tell…eventually. It would be far worse for me to never tell it than to have a hard time doing it.

So I keep reminding myself that I’m not writing from Kylene’s POV. That’s impossible. Only she could do that. Instead, I’m writing from the POV of a character that’s inspired by Kylene. It may seem like a small distinction, but it makes all the difference in be being able to persist in drafting this novel. Though it doesn’t necessarily make it easier.

It’s a process that refuses to be rushed. I do my best to push myself to continue the task, but I’ve come to realize it’s just gonna take time. I’ll keep slowly working on it (while I also work more efficiently on other novels) and one day it will be done. Well, as done as any book ever is.

Thank you to anyone who’s read ELIXIR BOUND and/or inquired about a follow up book. It coming…one of these years!

Gearing up for National Novel Writing Month 2016

October 31, 2016 / Katie L. Carroll

November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo or NaNo). The idea is that crazy writers set aside the month of November in an attempt to draft 50,000 words of a novel. That’s approximately 1,667 words a day, including weekends and holidays.

Before I had kids I actually did NaNoWriMo one year, the whole 50,000 words. And it sucked. The process of writing that many words in one month sucked. The words themselves sucked. The story sucked. And it sucked the life out of me! It’s a manuscript where I really liked the initial idea, but when I revised it, nothing was working. I tried different point of views, shifting tenses, reworking the plot. Let’s just say I’ve moved on from this story and it kind of soured me on the whole NaNoWriMo thing.

Elixir Bound by [Carroll, Katie L.] But I’ve been in a bit of a writing funk the last few months, since summer really. I’ve done lots of “smaller” writing things (writing a new beginning for a finished manuscript, working on a picture book idea, and the usual parenting articles and such). I had a few spurts of productivity, but not a lot of new words flowing. And I really have been wanting to get a draft done of ELIXIR SAVED (a companion to ELIXIR BOUND). Like I’ve been working on a first draft of this manuscript for years and it’s really starting to weigh on me.

Now it’s a tough manuscript to write because one of the point-of-view characters is based on my sister Kylene (and even has her name) and can be emotionally draining. So I’ve been lenient on myself when I’ve had to take breaks, but it’s time to get this one done. I decided to come up with a plan to finish. Earlier this month I took a look at how much I’d actually written, and it was a lot more than I thought I had–over 50,000 words. To put that into perspective, the completed novel of ELIXIR BOUND is a little over 55,000 words.

Now I knew that SAVED, with its multiple points of views and more epic scale, was going to be quite a bit longer than BOUND, but it was a nice surprise to see that I had accumulated so many words. It was heartening, and it made me feel like I could actually finish this first draft…and soon. That’s was when I was like, “I could use NaNo to get this done.”

With so many words already, I don’t need to set the (unrealistic for me) goal of 50,000 words in a month. I’m going to halve it for a goal of 25,000 words, which would be about 834 words a day or 1,137 words a day if you only count weekdays. That seems doable to me, and it should be enough to finish off the draft. And you know what, even if I don’t meet my exact goal, it’s going to serve as a framework to get me to the finish.

I’ve spent the last few weeks outlining the plot I already have and listing out the scenes I still need to write. I’ve written, formatted, and scheduled all my November blog posts (with only a few updates needed when the dates get closer), so I don’t have to worry about those. I dusted off my old NaNo profile (for anyone else who is doing NaNo, my username is ktlc1113 if you want to look me up on their site) and got it all up to date. I’ve squared away all my other freelancing, etc… work. (The kiddos will still be around all month bugging me, but not much I can do about them!)

I’m ready to start…tomorrow. And hopefully by the end of the month, I’ll have a finished draft of ELIXIR SAVED. Wish me luck!

When the Words are Gone Let the Pictures Speak

August 2, 2016 / Katie L. Carroll

Another August 2nd. Another birthday my sister Kylene will never celebrate. I’m feeling at a loss for words this year. Maybe because I had so many words (and even some math) on her birthday post last year. Maybe because while things change day-to-day and year-to-year in my life, nothing changes for her. What else is there left to say?

A tree was planted in Ky’s memory shortly after she died. In the spring when I was running every Saturday morning down by the harbor, I would stop and visit it. I caught it in full bloom one week and made sure to snap a few pictures. So I think I’ll let those speak for me. Happy birthday, Kylene!

No Matter How You Do The Math, Death Just Doesn’t Add Up

August 2, 2015 / Katie L. Carroll

Today would have been my sister Kylene’s 30th birthday. She died when she was 16, so it’s hard to even imagine what she would have been like at 30. We – her family and friends – all knew Kylene the girl and were just beginning to get a glimpse of the woman she was becoming.

Ky Model Kylene the girl loved to sing and act. She played the flute and was a multi-sport athlete. She worked hard at school and was a honor student. And Ky was kind, and so very giving. I think she worried a lot about things, too. As a toddler, she was prone to tantrums, and never did lose her flair for the dramatic. Kylene was also a devoted Girl Scout, and she was on her way to earning her Gold Award (the highest achievement in Girl Scouts). She loved the Harry Potter books (though she only lived to read the first four) and shared them with everyone, and I mean everyone, making many a reluctant reader into an avid one.

We used to go to the beach and play volleyball with our friends, cranking up the music (usually Fuel) on the way. We played soccer, basketball, and track together for that one year we were both in high school together. I used to jump down from my top bunk and into her bottom bunk when I got scared at night. She never made fun of me for it, never even would mention it to me the next day. She used to wear my underwear when they would accidentally end up in her pile, much to my disgust.

The truth is Kylene was so many things, more than I can ever write about, more than I ever even knew about. I knew her as my often annoying little sister. At 16 and 19, respectively, she and I were really just learning how to be friends outside of the sister realm. I think we would have become best friends as adults. But she will always be 16 going on 17.

This year on her 30th birthday, I can’t help but think about how pretty soon she will have been gone as long as she was here.

My mind gets all twisted up over the fact that my oldest nephew turned 16 this year, so he’s been alive almost as long as his Auntie Ky was. He seems so young; he is so young. How could Kylene have only been alive an equally short amount of time? Her influence on my life seems far more profound than could possibly have happened in 16 years.

I’ve already lived more than two of her lives. My great grandmother at age 96 died two years to the day after my sister. She lived 6 of Kylene’s lives.

For some reason, this year I keep thinking about all these numbers. I think it’s the way the logical side of my brain is still trying to make sense of my sister’s death. The truth is, the numbers are just numbers, and no amount of calculating will make it make sense.

The creative part of my brain wrote a whole book trying to make sense of my sister’s death. That helped me mourn Ky and it helped me heal, but it didn’t make the death of a 16-year-old make sense. Nothing can.

So today (and most days) I think of her. And today on her birthday I memorialize her. I remember how she made me laugh and cry, how I wanted both hit her and protect her (not usually at the same time), how I tried to explain to her how to be more like me and how she was always herself anyway, how I try now to be more like her: empathetic, caring, kind.

I think about how The Boy’s temperament reminds me so much of her at times, and it helps me understand him better. See, Kylene is still teaching me and inspiring me to be a better person, even though she’s been gone for so long. She will never meet my kids, but she is part of their lives all the same.